I wish you were real. I wish I could really talk to you; I try and get closer to you with each word I breathe into you. I wish I could speak like you or write like you, your words, bring tears to my eyes. This journey that you have taken me on for all these years has changed me; sometimes I don’t know who I am anymore. Sometimes your pain is so overwhelming, that I have to stop, because it’s threatening my soul. I find you in the smallest of moments in everyday life, in my shadow, in the bath, in the birds in the sky. In a world trying to enslave me, you set me free and I want to fly with you, I so desperately want to soar and dream your dreams. I find myself looking at the sea, looking for the beauty that only you would see, but I am just a mere mortal in the fragments of my imagination. Try as I might I cannot escape into your world, I don’t live by the sea anymore, it tortures me. Some days I am so lonely that your companions are my only friends. I sense them, flickering in the lights, leaving scratches on my body, whispering in my ear, leaving me restless throughout the night. Sometimes I am scared. I have never loved any living person more than you; you are always on my mind; in the strangest of places and darkest of corners; wherever my wildest thoughts reside, there, I find you, embellishing and relishing in that existence. If I lose you now, I’m lost; there is no path back to where I came from. There is only eternity after this, the eternity we all came to this earth for. Just as suddenly, it all stops, it all comes to a stand still, that gushing, flowing ebb of emotion just trickles away down the river towards you, giving my life its moments as it goes forth. Your lashes awaken me, I wish on them as I send them away, into that world where you go and I try to follow. I try to bring you justice, I try to bring you hope, I try to bring you more than what you have but I won’t save you, we can’t. As much as we can, we can’t.


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